Saturday, May 2, 2009

those seven days sure made me weak.

soo last night was saves the day and alkaline trio. which means parking lot party! i had so much fun it was ridiculous. plus i had a wrist band so i was double fisting beers all night. it just felt so good to just be drunk and dance and sing with some of my best friends. later i went to jacks and we got into a fight, so my brother picked me up. we go to my parents house and his crazy ass baby mama breaks into my parents house and they start arguing. they end up fist fighting and while trying to break it up i got hit multiple times in the face/head and ended up covered in other peoples blood. again. (ironically, the jeans i bought to replace the boston-stabbing-incident were the ones i was wearing last night so now i have to get blood out of them). i ended up back at jacks and passed out. came home today and laid around forever. it felt good to relax..


despite the latest turn of events, i feel so weird lately.

on one hand, i feel so positive. i think things are falling into place in my life for once. i'm going to find a new place to live, i'm saving up money, i have a job that i (kind of) like, a good group of friends and a date with an amazing, cute girl soon.

on the other hand i feel so held down by the past. i feel like no matter what i do or how hard i try those things will always weigh me down. i've been having waves of post traumatic stress again recently. i was really happy for awhile there because i'd gone a few weeks without having any nightmares again. i guess talking to paul recently brought me back to boston and what happened. i just want to get it out of my head forever, i feel like it's just one more thing that's traumatized me.

i need sleep.